LUDICROUSLY AWESOME HUGE SHINY PURPLE BMW 7 SERIES 735i 3.5l V8

Are you feeling that you just don't get enough attention from girls, your friends, family, or the local gangstas? Is your current ride getting lost in traffic, do the honeys not even give you a second glance in your little shabby white Skoda, no matter how many bass bins you stuff into the boot? Step this way, and boy, do I have the car for you
It's purple. Like, really purple, in a metal-flake Cadbury's ice cream truck shade. You could probably get away with calling it "Amethyst" if you want to sound classy, but really, this is not your grandma's lilac sweater. I guarantee you, there's no one else on the block will be running a wagon that looks anything like this, and it's a full-body job, so fresh when I got it that little purple flakes of confetti came out the vents when I first turned the aircon on. And the rimz? Fugeddaboutit. M6 style, with a couple new shoes on the back, all the shiny 18-inch goodness you know and love, with custom stars on the caps. I think they call it a "pimped ride" in some circles, you can just call it babe, or honey.
Look, you either think it's the coolest car ever to wear sequins, or you think it's hideous - there's no middle ground here. Get ready to turn heads.
And then under the hood, loud and proud for when you're cruising around the 'hood, there's that big meaty V8. Mmmm, smooth and gentle and then it roars like Kanye West throwing a tantrum when you bury the pedal in that plush luxury BMW carpet. Yeah, it's got 127k on the clock, but you know it's good for another hundred thousand, and you know what? For its size, you treat it right on a long cruise, it's not the gas guzzler you might think it is - you can save your dollars for champagne when you get to the club. And it's not just the engine that's pure class, I dropped a couple grand and had the transmission rebuilt a few months ago, it glides like silk on skin. No jiggly, no clunk, just smooth, like you are. Ain't no 1997 motor you'll find anywhere else with these mechanicals in this state. I got bills going right back to the original bill of sale, when it was "Arctic Silver" or some such. This car has been loved, some lucky guy spent big money to get lucky - check out that track listing on the CD changer, dude's got some class.
MOT till September - the only advisories on the last MOT were the anti-roll bar drop links starting to wear and some pitting on the front discs. But don't you worry about that, my friend - I've got a set of front rotors, pads, drop links and bushes all ready for you to do that little job, and all the spare bits are part of the deal. You pay me full asking price, I'll even let you keep the Alpine Bluetooth-only head unit that's hooked to the steering wheel controls, otherwise you make do with the BMW Business Radio same as all the lesser mortals out there. This ain't a charity, this is a sale, and what a sale it is. This is a one of a kind opportunity for a discerning kind of gentleman, the sort of man who knows what he likes and is not afraid to cruise the mean streets in a huge purple limo, not compensating for anything and not apologising for being awesome. You know you want it. Yes, you do. Call me.
***Seriously, I have a good reason for getting rid of the car. I don't have the space for it or the need for it, and my job situation means I've got to be *sob* practical. It's in very good condition, the third E38 I've owned and by far the best of all of them. I'm still driving it occasionally, so the mileage will change a little. As far as I know there are no major mechanical problems, but it's nearly 19 years old and there's the usual wear and tear. Anything you want to know, just ask, and I will consider SENSIBLE offers. Thanks for dropping by - share the ad with your friends if you appreciate the effort ;)

Also published at eBay.co.uk