2021 jeep gladiator mojave 3.6l Jurassic Edition

I should start by saying that if you are looking for a “Pajama party Barbie Jeep” you my friend, should keep looking. If you are looking for a short description of the beast before you, I can offer you two words “MEAT & POTATOES”. This is the All American chariot
of the pre-historic world. You are not dealing with any ordinary, cookie cutter Jeep son. This thing was forged from a single block of all American Tungsten Steel. Real sturdy! From that day forward my life has never been the same. Winch yourself off that couch and see if you can handle this Jurassic Jeep Gladiator. So if you are looking for a rice burning hatch back, a solar powered liberal mobile, or even a Hyundai crossover keep on looking my friend this thing is a piece of red white and blue American Machinery. This baby’s pulse is pumping 3.6 liters of recycled dinosaurs (only premium fuel) through her Mopar sourced heavy metal nuclear power plant. And rest assured this is no metro feminine automatic. . . you command her to obey, with your calloused hand planted firmly on the shifter. And she will obey, the first time, every time. If you can’t handle the 37 inch white letters out off road tires, or the raw Tyrannosaurus-Torque, you better not skip on over here wanting to test drive her.
It has nice cold A/C butare you kidding me….Really! If you want to blow the sweat off your brow, you do it the old fashioned way: doors off, top down. “What if it rains?”. . . You whiney little…! I told you to stop reading. . . Any man who drives this beast doesn’t give a damn about rain. Not even skin melting acid rain, ’Cause he’s already dripping wet in blood, dino sweat, and fish guts. If you are looking for the kind of jeep that has to be pansy parked in the
garage, so the “carpet doesn’t get wet and soggy” Then you should plant your Obama sticker on some Japanese piece of crud. ‘Cause this thing has drain holes in the floor and fresh armorlite flooring to let the blood drain out from the Triceratops you just killed, with your bare hands. Because you are Robert Muldoon from the Kenyan Reserve and when you get home you can leave your “sissy sponge glove car wash kit” in the pink bucket it came
in. Go ahead and spark up your 6000 psi heated pressure washer on the dually trailer in your man cave, cause you are Dr. Alan Grant and you can pressure wash your truck on the inside. She’s got armorlite floors with a full factory roll cage in case that Triceratops comes back to life while you’re doing 80 over some mountain pass or flooded river. If you’re thinking about some gross chrome
bumpers for her, think again. The arcus bumper basher comes hand forged by rugged ridge from over a wood burnin fire, out of 4 inch well casing, and railroad tracks and secured on with Grade 8 dino proof bolts. That way if you get deployed you can piggy back this war wagon on a deuce and a half and chain her down tight from the four corners, so you don’t lose her when your convoy gets hit by a herd of Velociraptors. And forget about putting one of those “It’s a Jeep Thing. . .You wouldn’t understand” stickers on this machine cause when you’re spotted in this American Classic there will be no questions, no further explanation required, people will understand and get out of your way. . . real quick.
Here’s the deal, kids:
This is a Jeep Wrangler. This is not a luxury
SUV, or a maintenance-free disposable import. It has solid front axles, wind
noise, and character.
It’s a Jeep. It rides like a Jeep. It drives
like a Jeep. All of these are GOOD things.
It is almost brand new, it is almost pristine,
and it is barely used. This will be apparent in the pictures.
If you do not own a toolbox, have never changed
your own oil, and are scared of firearms: THIS VEHICLE IS STILL UNDER WARRANTY.
If you have been posting on facebook all about
how excited you are for pumpkin latte season: THIS VEHICLE MIGHT GET YOU A FREE
LATTE.
If you get offended easy and often, whine to
your co-workers, and cry a lot: NO ONE TALKS SMACK ON JURASSIC PARK.
If you feel you are owed anything in the world
& have a bullshit job where you fail to produce: THIS VEHICLE CAN BE YOUR
HOME WHEN YOU GET FIRED.
If you own a bieber album, white oakleys,
affliction t-shirts, or those candy-assed stitched-pocket jeans: THIS VEHICLE
IS NOT FOR YOU, BUY A SUBARU.
If, however, you have BALLS OF STEEL and
consider adverse weather an excuse to do stupid stuff: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.
Do you laugh at danger, and tempt fate?
Have you ever uttered the words, “Hold my beer
and watch this …”?
While bored at work do you pick targets at
random and think, “I could hit that from here with the .22 …”?
Have any of your friends quit hanging out because
you were too much fun?
Do you have the number of a friend with cash
memorized for bail?
Is your ol’ lady really sick of the random piles
of parts, greasy footprints, and empty beer bottles in the garage?
-could you not care less?
Do you own a service manual for every vehicle
you ever owned?
Do you still miss your first ride?
Can you carry on a two hour conversation
discussing tools, scars, and hi-lift jacks?
Do you consider the Prius an abominable affront
to the Gods of displacement, torque, and All Mighty Internal Combustion?
If you answered in the affirmative to the
preceding: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.
DETAILS:
-I am the first owner and bough this jeep in UT.
Has not been on salty/snowy roads yet.
-I have lightly offroaded this jeep on some dirt
roads in the woods, no rock bashing or mud pits.
-AEV 2” spacer lfit on top of the Fox Racing massive
shocks
-Those fender flares are polymer, no more
permanent dents when you slide into that prehistoric tree
-Tint is ceramic – super clear, heat killing,
shady like a palm tree
-Genesis Dual battery kit – never run out of
power when you are out repairing those electric fences, and jump start yourself
when you leave your dino-taser plugged in overnight
-Tires are brand spanking new. 37” matching
spare is brand spanking new. Method racing wheels are brand spanking new. Everything
on this rig is brand. Spanking. New.
-KC led light bar is hooked up and works.
Blind that T-rex as you come around the corner. Ditch lights from Cali Raised
hit the sides, LED fogs in the bumper light up down low, and the oracle
headlights burn hot as long as you do.
-Custom leather put in by Elite Auto. Has
factory heated seats retained to go along with that heated steering wheel.
-Corsa exhaust has no drone but the tone
will let those raptors know you are coming
-Hothead headliners and sound deadening
in the roof so you can listen to that joe rogan podcast in peace while ripping
down the logging road to the power hut.
-Stinger heigh-10 10” entertainment system
pairs perfectly with the alpine sound system, front and rear cameras, and is satellite
ready. Car play for your apple or android built in. Even has your off road
information on the screen for you. Have the oem screen available as well.
-VOSwitch 6 button auxillary relay system
hooked up, ready to light your world. The KC bar and ditch lights are hooked
up, the rest are ready for your own connections.
-Hood latch locks keep your underhood goodies
safe.
-cone filter from some old project lets
you hear that engine breathe, oem box included for your pleasure
Rough country bed cover to keep your
dino hunting tools safe from prying eyes-Smittybilt waterproof 10k pound winch
with synthetic cable – don’t end up like dennis nerdy – wireless remote, lock
those doors!
Billet door hinges – because billet is
better-KC Led Gravity pro 6 light bar held up
by gorhino bar mounts
LED Oracle Tail lights - these sit flush instead of out like the OEM so you won't snag them on a tree near the raptor pen
Has a married tazer installed and ready
for your customizations. The jeep has been programmed correctly for the bigger
tire size.
UNINSTALLED BUT INCLUDED WITH FULL OFFER: Fabtech rack and mounts (picture included); ARB compressor mount (picture included); ARB dual compressor with air tank, line kit, air filler valve, etc; Steel and nylon net tube doors (with mirrors) for all four doors, two rain covers that work with or without the top on (rain gear and bestop) an alien sunshade for the full top, and all the oem lights and bits if you want them.
QUESTIONS:
-Why are you selling?
Finished this build and love it, but the next
build came across my lap sooner than anticipated. Plus apparently I’m the only
one in my family that likes off roading and camping? yuck
-What’s wrong with it?
Nothing, its brand new, haven’t you been paying
attention?!
-Does the 4WD work?
Hell yes. Better than the door locks and
electric fences in the park, for sure.
-Will you sell me the [engine / tranny / rear
door / axle / etc.]?
No. I’m not in the salvage business. Buy the
Jeep. Love the Jeep. Give the Jeep a home.
-Will you take [insert ridiculously stupid low
number here]?
No. If I wanted [ridiculously low number] I
would have asked [ridiculously low number]
Want a cheap car? Get your kid that lowered
tuner piece of shit honda project down the road.
I think I’m perfectly priced for this bad mofo.
-Can I put a 6″ lift and even more giant tires
on it?
I don’t give a shit. But be sure to use quality
components and for Heaven's sake – get it aligned after a lift!
-Would this make a good car for my daughter?
Hell. Yes. Not only a good car, a learning experience.
Introduction to vehicular maintenance.
Additionally, there isn’t really enough room in
the back for that little tool she’s dating to try anything.
-Can you deliver?
Within reason. I’d drive it 50 miles or so. But
really, you should come get it. Look it over.
-Will you take a check / paypal / West Union
Transfer / Nigerian Promissory Note?
Would you take a ball pein hammer to the
forehead?
No. I’ll take Cash or cashiers check, Period.
Bring cash or don’t show.
-Will you ship to -?
No. See above.
-No, really, all I have is [lowball dollar
amount?
That’s great, I don’t give a shit. Unicef ain’t
running this deal, and until they do I want a real amount.
Why? Because I don’t HAVE to sell this little
beauty. Truth be known, I’d rather keep it.
But if it’s going to a good home – I will sell.
Unless you’re an asshole – then no sale.
-Does it come with another top?
Why yes, yes it does, should you need it. I am
including an alien sunshade as well as a bikini style bestop soft top. No windows
with that bad boy fyi.
Any other questions, feel free to ask.

Also published at eBay.com